Thursday, April 5, 2007
i'm so tired now. i mean mentally. ):
after school watched Bang Bang You're Dead. it's damn nice (((: its about this guy thats being bullied in school, thus he had plotted to bomb the school. the teachers never trusted him afterward until they saw his video.. & his friends were going to bomb the school to teach the bullies a lesson but he stopped them in the end. eciting, shocking, touching. great movie :D
the numbers are getting smaller and smaller. i now know why i've been feeling empty. its like something important was taken away from us. it's everything.then hoyee, justin and i went to sing post macs. we had dinner at long john, haha :D we talked alot.. basically im gonna yabber about everything.
first we were talking about our future. what we wanted to do when we grew up. then we wondered why people have to move on. 4 years down the road and when we start working, i'm afraid we will inevitably lose contact with one another ): i dont want that to happen..
then i asked, what would happen before we die? when do you know you're dying? well, when my grandma was nearing her death, she suddenly couldnt express herself in words anymore.
then what happens after we die? let's say we are lying down on the hospital bed, with relatives all around you, & you suddenly die. your relatives start crying but you cant hear them. will our life start flashing back, replaying just like an old film? i mean we all know something will happen to our bodies. it'll probably rot, or get cremated or something. but what happens to the ME that's inside me? will i just disappear? once we know the answer we'll never get to return to this life anymore wont we.
maybe they will show us what we have done wrong and right for this life. or do we move on to another life? will we become humans again? then suddenly we wondered what if we were clams. simple minded, no brain to be exact. will we know humans are going to eat us..? if we were clams, wouldnt it be like vegetables (brain dead humans) being able to walk around.. everyone would be zombies la.
then i talked abit about my grandma and hoyee about her father. i dont know what i'd do if i were her.. after hearing hoyee crap, i came to realise things might not be as simple as they look, but she told me not to be too paranoid.
cause i haven't been seeing my dad very long now.. i can't say i will hug him when i see him, but its like i dont see him at all now.. i think someone out there is trying to gain from my pa and cheating his money, which is totally lame lame lame. i cant imagine. then he doesnt believe what my mum is telling him. & hoyee asked me, dont we suspect something is going on.? sigh, but i think my father is righteous enough, but then again in hoyees case, who's to say that it wont happen. & two days ago my mum asked me if i would go with her if one day she had no choice but to move out. yet i wasnt able to give her a direct answer because i really dont know. i told her its impossible and i dont know, it wont happen. blah blah. suddenly its all like that. suddenly there are so many conclusions. suddenly i want to have half boiled eggs at 6 am and fold blankets again. suddenly people in your world can just leave you suddenly. suddenly you find that you are suddenly dead. suddenly you realise that hey, youve been so stupid. suddenly you want to go back. this is getting no where!ah.. i want to sleep.
to die and to sleep forever
;12:51 PM
